LOSING MY BEST FRIEND; THE TRUTH OF IT ALL.

Confession:

Last night my significant other was feeling emotional about the remembered loss of a family member and he asked me, " Do you upset when you think about your dad?'  (I lost my dad many years ago when I was in collage.) I paused for moment and answered honestly, "No, but I still get very emotional about the loss of Griffin (my GSD)."

The Truth of it all:

The loss of my dad was a difficult experience especially because it was a shock, but that moment in time did not begin to compare to the overwhelmingly devastating loss of Griffin (almost 3 years ago) I honestly don't know if there are words to describe sorrow of that level. You would assume my position as an animal communicator and certified grief coach coupled with my pre-greiving, i.e. knowing because of his condition (DM) that the loss was coming, and being in communication with him throughout the entire process would have prepared me to manage my grief.

 It didn't. 

The grief hit me like a tsunami. For months the giant sea swell repeatedly toppled me over, dragging me under, churning me under the surface, with glimpses of air so faint and far between There were times I litteraly didn't know if I would make it. I was affected to the core of my being. The desolate pain and stress of it all showing up months later wreaking havoc on my physical and mental health. I would wake up at night in extreme panic thinking I was having a heart-attack. I would have these extreme panic attacks at the most random times even sitting in church. Because of that I became afraid leaving my house. Yes, you read that right. Outgoing, fun loving, me paralyzed by the fear that I would have a melt-down or panic-attack in public. I would cry all the time at random even when I thought I was happy. It was like I had no control over my body.  I became desolate, isolated, only reading out to the life raft those close to me in the most extreme moments when I felt I was grasping for my sanity. Looking back I'm lucky one of these panic attacks landed me in the ER giving me the opportunity to find support in managing my symptoms on every level. 

With the help of medication (I was on an anti-anxiety/depression medication for 9 months), a much need and focus on self-care, friends, family, and whole lot of soul searching I began to heal. So, why am I telling you all this...

I want you to know if your hurting, your not alone. 

The attached article that popped up in my feed this morning reminded me that I'm not alone in my loss. Many of us have experienced the loss of a beloved friend, family member, pet. We all experience, manage, live with and heal grief in our way, in our own time. I can't tell you how ashamed I felt that things got so bad I needed to be on medication for a time. Happy go lucky, blessed and grateful, fabulous me, medicated. It was surreal and a wake up call. I can honestly say now I don't think I could have truly seen where I was, or broke through the despair with out it. Here I am. Baring all. On the other side. Moments of grief still sifting through me at times, but carrying my grief in a healthier, manageable way. If I could only offer one sentiment of support to anyone out there in pain it would be this...

Be kind to yourself. 

You are where you are, and that's ok. If you need help, that's ok too. Be kind to yourself about where you are, the choices you make, and how you move through the present part of your journey in this time and space. Wether you know it or not what's happening right now is happening for you not to you. There is a light at the end of your tunnel. If all my years as a professional animal communicator and pet-loss grief coach have taught me anything, they have taught me this. You are not alone. The ones you love are loving you from the greater dimensions of life now and ALWAYS. 

Support/Resources:

If you are looking for support after the loss of a pet here is a link to my book, Beyond Companionship, It address supporting a pet through tradition and connecting even after s/he has crossed the rainbow bridge. Also a link to my services if you are seeking to connect with a pet who has passed. <3

Book: https://amzn.to/2xbR3O4

Services: http://amymillercoaching.com/services/


The mentioned article from my Facebook feed:
https://iheartdogs.com/why-losing-a-dog-can-be-even-more-painful-than-the-death-of-a-loved-one-2/

Goodbye My Beloved Friend, Forever in My Heart.

I said goodbye to my best friend yesterday. Thanks to the integrity and compassion of the amazing people at Caring Pathways the experience was peaceful for both Griffin and I.  He passed laying next to me on his bed while I pet him, told him how loved he was, and how grateful I was such a beautiful soul came to share 12 years in this time and space with me. Deva Premal and Miten played softly on my iPhone in the background. The song "Shadow of Light" came on and when it ended everything went silent, the music stopped the exact moment I felt Griffin leave his body.



Making the decision to support Griffin's transition into the greater dimension of life was the hardest thing I have ever done. You might think that because I am animal communicator, who specializes in supporting people with the departure of their beloved companions that the process might be somewhat easier. I assure you it was not.  Griffin and I talked, and I was fully aware of his wishes. His health had been declining over the past few weeks and in his last two days the Degenerative Myelopathy had progressed to the point where he couldn't walk or stand, but when he looked at me he was still Griffin, my all smiles best friend. I sat at the computer bawling, going through articles I had preciously pinned to help others going through what I was now going through.  Griffin was whispering it's ok, I'm ready to go, it's time, its ok. My heart knew his words were true but my mind was having a hard time catching up. Even with the apparent fact that his body was clearly no longer serving him in this life, I couldn't fathom that this was it. And a big part of me was not wanting to get on board with making the call to the vet and move forward with making arrangements to let Griffin go.

While coping with the thoughts of my impending loss I stubbled across an article on my Pet-Loss Grief Healing Board titled, "Knowing When It's Time to say Goodbye". by Robin Bennet.  In the article she references a book she read that helped her with making the decision to let her beloved companion go. The book "The Dog Cancer Survival Guide," at one point outlined the 7 joys of life:

• 
  
• The joy of eating and drinking
• The joy of motion
• The joy of social interactions
• The joy of having a fully-functioning body
• The joy of a healthy mental state
• The joy of play
• The joy of expression

Robin's article shared that "The Dog Cancer Survival Guide" explained a pet losing one joy could still have a wonderful life, but if three or more joys of life were missing from the pets life the one would have to seriously consider quality of life. My own thought while reading this was at that point one would also have to find the strength to support their companion through the end of life process, something I discuss in my book, Beyond Companionship. It was clear to me that Griffin had loss the joy of motion, a fully-functionhing body, the joy of play, and joy of the full expression of livingness. That awareness was the turning point for me, I knew it was time in my heart and my mind now, but I still had not been brave enough to make the call to the vet. 

The morning all this was happening I had two calls from clients in the same position as me. Needing to make the decision to help their pet cross-over because the body was no longer serving him/her, but just life Griffin both the pets were expressions of love and joy and fully cognitive when interacting with their people. Supporting theses people and their pets, whininess their courage in supporting their animals wishes gave me the final push I needed to make the arrangements necessary for Griffins transition. 

There is an emptiness now in the house, being a German Shepherd a breed known for being attach at the owners hip, he would follow me from room to room. But to my surprise am ok. I'm fully at peace with his passing and my connection with him is still the same, if not stronger.  I'm focusing on self care and me kind to myself when I begin to judge my grief and healing experience, as I expected it to be far more painful and less peaceful at this juncture. 

Dear Griffin,

You filled the last 12 years of my life with love and joy. We climbed mountains and played in the ocean and I am grateful for every moment we shared. I am blessed the beautiful soul within you choose to share this life expression by my side. 

I am who I am to day because I knew you. You live on in my heart and your legacy is forever entwined with my sharing of the gift you awakened in me with the world. 

Until we meet again,

A.